It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
