i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
My day in three words: secret purse cake
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
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