and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
