she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
