i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
