i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
