About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
