I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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