hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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