So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
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I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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