saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
We named our party play list daddy issues
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
