1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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