i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
