I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
