if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
zippers are such a cool invention
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I have tasted many bathrooms
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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