plz talk dirty to me
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
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