the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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