I don't think brook has ever known best
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
