You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
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