U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
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Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
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TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?