I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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