Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
