so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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