Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
