sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
