i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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