dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
