What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You ruined the universe
Randomize
