i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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