My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Randomize
