oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
it was like his penis was on wheels.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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