he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
