Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
