New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I could make wine with my vomit
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
