my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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