I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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