Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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