she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
