if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
