Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize