You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
