Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
