oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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