just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize