i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
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Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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