Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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