What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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