This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
