apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
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then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
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You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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