I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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