Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
