I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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