he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
