I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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