It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
