Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
